Mon 20 Feb 2006
Asstrolo-G’s Random Horoscope
Posted by Caroline on Crack under Los Angeles, Other -Asstrolo-G, aka my brother Gerard, has been an enthusiast of celestial bodies since he was 7 when he scrutinized the night sky with his high-powered telescope, and his love of stars naturally transitioned to asstrology once he moved to L.A.
Having studied the new age science for 12 years, he’s become adept at doing people’s charts, using the planets movements in relation to their aspects to project ahead to what might happen to them in the future. Friends have had him draw up charts for their newborn babies while others have him do it for their birthdays to see what will happen to them in the following year.
Sure, it’s all in good fun but eerily enough, his projections have always ended up happening. No, he’s not a psychic, although he’s a pretty handy tarot card reader, too. Nope, as Asstrolo-G says, “I am not psychic, but the planets end up telling the truth of our situations.”
His influences are L.A. Weekly’s Rocky Horoscope and Mark Lerner from Astronet.com.
So it is with great pride that I introduce his random horoscope to this site. “Random” in that it won’t have a consistent schedule but will show up whenever there’s an asstrology event he sees fit to write about.
February 24th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
I’m a believer! At the beginning of 1999, Gerard told me I would travel a lot that year. I found it funny since I hadn’t been out of the country since I was 2 and I was heavily in student-loan debt. But a few months later, I won the IPO lottery (Internet stock) and ended up travelling Europe and moving to Japan that year. Also, the year that Jupiter was in Virgo, he told me I’d gain weight. And I did.
Jerk. Heh.
March 8th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
[…] My bro Gerard, the asstrologer, felt obliged to inform you all of the following: Mercury sits still at the end of Aquarius, a dry spell, finally out of retrograde…because it is motionless, we have a very slow news week. Venus and Jupiter and Saturn are all in fire signs, normally a good happy affair, grand trines are, but it seems Saturn and Venus together make it awful quiet, peaceful yet boring. And there it is—our asstro horoscope for today: Today you are very bored, so bored you need a drink. […]